Love Biggie #2- Trust

Trust in me in all you do

Have the faith that I have in you

Love will see us through

If only you trust in me....

-Etta James "Trust in Me"

You may or may not be familiar with the few lyrics above, but when I think of trust, this song usually comes to mind.  We're here, and now venturing into LOVE BIGGIE #2: TRUST!!  Without trust, you will always have doubt and worries about your relationship. It's very critical that you have faith in your mate and know that you can trust them and also live a life where they can trust you as well. When you know that your mate has your best interest at heart, it's easier to do a lot and discuss a lot.

Relationships can be tested by the actions and words of outsiders and this could break your relationship if you let it. If you hear things about your mate from someone else, do you believe them or believe your mate? TRUST is a MUST. If you ask your mate a question and they give you an answer, do you trust or doubt their answer? TRUST is a MUST.

You will find that when trust lives in your life, home, and relationships, problems are less common. I trust my boyfriend in all aspects and believe that what he does for me and shows me is the truth and it's the only truth I need to rely on in our relationship. I know that he trust me as well and I DON'T and WON'T do anything to change or jeopardize this. Once you do something to cause your mate to lose trust in you, it's very hard to earn that trust back. Trust is just like a chain and when a link is broken, it's hard to hold anything together.

Sometimes if we've had issues trusting family members and friends growing up, it makes it harder to trust your mate in a relationship. You have to learn to accept that everyone is different and everyone will not let you down. While people in your past may have done so, you can't hold this against those in your present and future and assume that you can't trust them. I encourage you all to work on trusting yourself and others, because TRUST is a MUST!

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved." - George MacDonald

Until my next love biggie,

SOLAR 40

Time (Love Biggie #1)

Hello readers and lovers out there! I'm back and it's time to dive into our #1 Love Biggie as mentioned in my previous post "Long Distance Relationships".

Love Biggie #1: TIME!!!

Time is vital to the success of any relationship. You have to be dedicated to devoting time to make it work. Whether you live in the same or different locations, you have to make plans to be with each other, fellowship with each other, date each other, and build a friendship with each other. You're probably thinking, "Wow, she's asking me to devote my time to a lot"! Well, yes I am. I'm asking on behalf of your loved ones. As much as you value your time alone, you have to value the time with them as well. In addition to this, you also have to find time to be with friends and family.

To make it work in my relationship, my boyfriend and I schedule out and discuss every weekend of each upcoming month. This allows us to make changes in our schedule, plan vacation time at work if necessary, and make different arrangements with friends/families to incorporate everyone in our lives. It may sound like a lot of work, but it's not and it doesn't take a ton of time to do this once you get in the habit of doing so. I suggest taking at least 30 mins to 1 hour before the last week of each month to discuss what each of you have on your agenda for the upcoming month. This really, really helps because it prevents a lot of confusion and keeps both of you on the same page in terms of what you will be doing.

If you remember from my previous post, I mentioned I am in a long distance relationship, which can make our scheduling a little more challenging sometimes, but we always work it out. While we love being with each other, we still like individually hanging with our friends/family, and having time to ourselves. Early in our relationship, we found an easy resolution to this. Here goes: 1 weekend a month we have an off weekend to spend with our friends or just do nothing alone; 1-2 holidays a year to spend with friends without each other. This may sound crazy to you but this plan accomplishes a few things: we miss each other a lot on off weekends, which in turn gets you excited to see them the next weekend; we get to spend time with our friends, whom we definitely want to be active and involved in our lives; we get that "ME" time that everyone needs. This may not work for you, but if you are not successful at balancing your relationship, family, and friends in your life, this is definitely worth a try. I'm living it, so I know it works :)

Time means so much in life. It keeps going on regardless of your plans. I elaborated on time in a previous poem post I wrote, "Time, Who Are You?", so check it out.

Have you taken the time, to sit down and have a heart to heart with your mate lately?
Do you know if anything is bothering your mate?
Do you know if your mate feels bogged down or like they don't have time for themselves?

If you answered "No" to any of the above questions, I suggest you make the TIME to find the Answers.

What do you do in your relationship, to maximize time with each other?
Do you have any issues with finding time to do things with and without your mate?
What kind of system do you use in your relationship to make it work?

I would love to hear how you make it work while finding time for yourself and your mate? So drop a comment and let me in your great thoughts.

Do you have a hot relationship/love topic you would like for me to address? If so, hit me up at abookof40@gmail.com and I will be glad to do a post.

“Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back.” - Harvey McKay

Until my next biggie,
-SOLAR 40

Long Distance Relationships

Loved by few...

Owned by several...

'No can do' for some...
Given a bad name by many...

LONG Distance Relationships

that is.

So many people fear getting in and committing to a long distance relationship. Well, I can attest to your worries and fears, but I'm hear to address the issues behind it all and provide possible advice and resolutions to throw you out of the "Loved by few" bucket with hopes of transitioning it into "Loved by many".

"Anything worth having, is worth working for"! Whether you are near or far, a relationship requires a few things, so let me share my 6 Love Biggies:

• Time
• Trust
• Commitment
• Communication
• Patience
• Honesty

If you leave out any one of the biggies in your relationship you may run into many bumps and end with long-term bruises. While there will be disagreements from time to time, a lot can be avoided and bandages can be saved for something else.

Because you live in different locations, TIME be an issue in terms of finding it to share with each other and traveling to and from one area. But if you TRUST your love for each other, make a COMMITMENT to give it your all for it to work. You have to COMMUNICATE all the good and bad to each other to figure out ways to overcome the bad and continue the good. All of this takes PATIENCE and HONESTY from both parties.

It can work! I'm witnessing it WORK for me right now. I'm currently in a successful long distance relationship, and have been in a few unsuccessful ones in the past, so I'm truly speaking from experience and not pulling my info out of a hat. I definitely don't possess that type of magic :)

I'm looking forward to diving deeply into my 6 Biggies and giving you insight.  Stay tuned to my relationship spills, and I hope you share your feedback, advice, and personal stories.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

Until my next SPILL,

-SOLAR 40