I'm Back!!

I'm BAAAACCCCCKKKK, hope you all haven't forgotten about me!

I've been gone for almost a year and sooo many great things have happened! I'm back, refreshed, ENGAGED, planning a wedding, organizing my life on a higher level, beasting at improving my finances, steadily helping others, and learning, learning, and learning!

I decided to jump back into this and release all these million thoughts I have these days with all that's going on. Since we've been engaged, I have such a new look on relationships and marriage, and my organization skills have definitely gotten better as a result. My fiancé and I have been enrolled in wonderful and spiritual couples' classes at church since the start of 2012 and let me just tell you that we have definitely grown even closer to God and each other, while learning a lot from other couples and each other. I will definitely dive into several topics that have sparked from our classes.

I won't make the broken promise that I will be posting every day or even every week, but I will be at least posting something every month, whether it's just about me, music, the wedding, relationships, or whatever else comes to mind. So I hope you will check me out here and there when you get a chance.

Glad to be back,
Solar 40

10 Ways to Express Love to Your Mate

1. Express love by saying 'I Love You'
2. Express love by kissing
3. Express love by smiling
4. Express love by holding hands
5. Express love by cuddling
6. Express love by doing nice things
7. Express love by tackling a chore your mate hates doing
8. Express love by leaving a love note in their car
9. Express love by preparing your mate a meal
10. Express love by making your mate a gift

“It doesn't require a special day to express how much I Love You... if every ordinary day is more than special when I am with you.”- Anonymous

-SOLAR 40

Flaws and All!

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them"- Maya Angelou

Do you know who you are with? Do you ask questions and observe actions? Or do you just have your own vision of how you want someone to be and try to transform them into that.

It's very vital to know that as adults (25 and up), we are pretty much who we are going to be. You can change habits and learn from mistakes, but personality is there and some things can't be changed. Why would you want to be with someone that you want to change up and down? You won't have to completely change the essence of the one that is meant for you. There is room for improvement in men and women and this is fine, but at the end of the day, somethings about us will always be constant. Love the one you are with for who they are!! If you can't do that, then maybe that's not the one for you.

You are not perfect, so don't expect your mate to be perfect. There might be a few things that they do that will drive you crazy and vice-versa, but love can live in your relationship despite it all. I always felt that Beyoncé really told a true story in "Flaws and All" that discusses the love her mate has for her even though she is not perfect, and she in turn loves him for this. I won't go on and on about the song, but will instead let you get your own ear full.

Flaws and All- Beyoncé

Until my lyric of lesson,

-SOLAR 40

Distinguishing Roles Within A Relationship

 

How do you distinguish roles within your relationship? Do you act the same way around your mate no matter where you are, whether it's around your kids, parents, friends? Well, this is one topic that could go in so many directions based on various situations and relationships.  One of my loyal Book of 40 readers, who is a mother and wife left a comment on a previous post, "Time, Love Biggie #1" and requested I expand on "Distinguishing roles within a relationship".  Here is an excerpt from the comment "a good topic would be how to distinguish roles within a relationship. Are you prudish around your parents or lovey dovey? Do you find it easy to kiss each other around family?"

I thought long and hard about this topic, and after a while, a particular Bible verse came to mind:  
Ephesians 5:31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

My overall impression and answer to the topic for my married reader is that once you are united and married you are to love and cherish each other under all circumstances and in all occasions. The first question from the comment was "Are you prudish around your parents or lovey dovey?" To answer, this NO!! You should show your love for your mate/spouse around all company, whether it be parents, friends, coworkers, other relatives. Always make them feel loved. Love carries the world. There is already a lack of it in different areas, so when we have the opportunity to show it, DO SO! Parents know that you are in a relationship/married and they must respect this.

This leads us right into the second question from the comment "Do you find it easy to kiss each other around family?" YES! It may make them feel a little uncomfortable at first, but they will get used to it. There is nothing like a nice kiss, a long hug, or a stroke on the arm when in the presence of others. It's not "showing off" or trying to make others jealous of what you have, it's showing your partner love and expressing exactly how you feel. Love should be expressed everywhere and not just behind closed doors. Now I'm not saying do anything vulgar or X-rated in front of others lol, as you may end up with other issues, but that's another post for another day :)

I love being out and seeing couples kiss and hold hands. They have love that is not envious of anyone or anything and they are not ashamed to let the world know it.  My boyfriend and I hold hands pretty much wherever we go, and sometimes when visiting people we hold hands when just merely chatting and sitting on the couch without even realizing it. I like to feel loved at all times, on my good and bad days. You never know the effect of a simple kiss or gesture. For all you know, when they walked in and met you at a dinner party, they just came from the worst day ever at work, but then you greeted and kissed them and it reminded them that "Work is over for today and love is here now". The next time you're out in public shopping with your mate or visiting relatives, do something nice and sweet to express your love. PUCKER UP readers and show your LOVE!!

Until my next request post,
-SOLAR 40

Thursday Tip

Thursday Tip: Dish Out Your Desired Treatment!!

Remember to love and treat your mate the way that you want them to love and treat you. You get just as much as you dish. If you aren't willing to do as much as you are asking of others, don't be disappointed when you don't get what you want.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"- Luke 6:31

Until my next tip of love,

-SOLAR 40

Interesting Post from a 'Previously' Single Black Male

So I've been browsing, blogging, and reading and came across what may be my new favorite Love/Dating/Relationship blog to follow: Single Black Male. As I was checking out his blog, my eyes spotted: How I Knew She Was The One!

This article goes into detail about how he knew the one he was with was the one that he should marry. It's definitely an eye opener and I will admit that even though I'm not and never have been a "Single Black Male", I was going through his list of things in my head and thinking of my own boyfriend. While I already know I'm with my one, it was refreshing to hear from a male's point of view, how he knew he found his one.

Here's one of my fave parts in the post: "With my wife, even after I’d learned all about all of the different things she’d experienced in her life, after she’d shared all of her memories and all of the different influences she’d had – I still wanted to spend time with her. I wanted to make new experiences and new memories. My inability to shake my interest in her was one of the early signs that she might be the one."


Check it out and read the full article for yourself at Single Black Male! I'll definitely be tuning into this site going forward.

How did you know you found your one? I'll soon share my story on finding my one;)

"A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea."-Honore de Balzac

Until my next blog find,
-SOLAR 40

Get To Know Your Mate!!



Sometimes, we assume that we know our mates better than we really do. Do you know their long-term dreams, pet peeves, favorite color, dessert, etc?  Now, don't get me wrong, just like you, I too think that I know my boyfriend in and out.  However, I'm sure there's always going to be something to learn.

If you are an avid reader of A Book of 40, you know by now that 40 is very significant in my life. If you're  a new reader, well you're about to get tuned in to this. Ever so often I go through what I call Cycles of 40, where I commit to doing something for 40 days, 40 weeks, 40 times, etc. It makes me strengthen my COMMITMENT (Love Biggie #3) skills, while also challenging myself in life.

It's time for a new Cycle of 40, "Get To Know Your Mate". I challenge you and myself to find out 40 things that you didn't know about your mate and also give them the opportunity to do the same to you. You'll be surprised at the interesting things you'll find out. Not only does this cycle get you more in tune with them, but it will also strengthen your COMMUNICATION (Love Biggie #4) skills with your partner.

Here are some ways to ask and find these 40 interesting facts:

• Email the questions to your mate
• Ask the questions on IM while Skyping
• Ask the questions while on Google Talk
• Ask the questions face-to-face

By now, you probably think this is a crazy request, but try it out and let me know if you still feel that way when you're done. I'm going to take this challenge as well.

"I never learn anything talking. I only learn things when I ask questions."- Lou Holtz

Until our next Cycle of 40,
-SOLAR 40